Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm in my kitchen in London with Tom Wrigglesworth.

Merry Christmas __ __. ... That's ... / __ same to you, mate. / There we are / kind / Seaoson's greetings. Season's greetings. Very p__y. ... "__ to Greg's sliced loaf story last week, I thought you might be interested to know that I once found a packaged __ butter loaf on the street outside my flat in T__." That doesn't compare ... This doesn't compare with / somebody regularly throwing a loaf of bread into your garden / finding something on the floor / the street / T__ / I found a packet of / somebody's shopping bag" ... Yeah, I'd go with that / huh / as soon as __ came __ __ rather posh supermarket / OK / I took / shared / my flat mates. It was delicious." ... Would you eat a loaf of bread off the street? __ __ ... / put it like that / found / safely-packaged, obviously / 「道に落ちてるパン」を拾って食うかと問われれば、食わない、と答えるけど、「道で見つけたパン」をどうするか、と問われれば ... / let me put it / way / would you eat / found / r__ing / in central London? / ロンドン中心街でゆったりとくつろいでいるパンを見つけたらどうする？ / Yes, I would. / __ __ culture / culture / I would. I would / I had / not so much as / packeted loaf / No. Well ... I mean / clumsily linked to that / I took a short-haul airplane trip / yeah? / a fortnight ago / Right. / and, uh ... I got to ... uh ... / hand luggage / __ __ __ __ scanning thing, and ... I, ... completely innocently I was in possession a ... a __ bread knife. ... This is ... / Tom ... / you / hand-luggage / t__s, some overnight clothes, maybe a book / got / tablet / smartphone / it's not bread knife / I'd broken / my bread knife / tine of beans / that's a different story ... um ... so / you never / can / can I just tell you that / I know exactly what you do. I / open / another normal knife / just / bang / the top / don't try / home / ladies and gentlemen / tin / use / edge / open / tin of beans / I wasn't / them / just bang in the knife down / making holes all the way around and then joining the holes up, __ __ __ __ __ / like, nuclear h__ style / just / they don't / tin opener / on certain brand supermarket__ / p__ tomatos / truth / I can show you / tin / right now / I can show you the method. ... It's not great radio / but / I suppose that's the only way, isn't it / rather than / you / pop round / neighbours / say / tin opener / shop that is / 50 yards away to buy a tin opener / had a feature / very / what / put up with / open / without a ring pull / with a knife / camping style / anyway / going through the airport with your "innocent" bread knife / innocent bread knife / I got from __ in-laws / came / bring / back home / left / now / check-in gate / Huh. / security gate / obviously / What's this? / seemed to be __ __ __ __ knife / Bread knife. / Uh, bread knife / of course / it was confiscated, and, uh ... / still / bread knife / if you have / find yourself massively illegal __ __ __ __ __ I am completely ... oh my god, I am completely in the wrong here / I don't ... I don't mean / I ... I'm __ odds with the law / great feature / have some music ... have you / massively illegal ? / Accidentally. / ... Accidentally, massively illegal / nothing / massively illegal / Feature #2, ladies and gentlemen.

You never know / Christmas here / we are in, uh, my kitchen, uh, here in London, Tom and I / Rhod's Coffee Morning / you walked in / not a single ... not any sign / not even / Christmas / looked around / anything / no / we've got two Christmas cards if you look very carefully. / Huh. / One of them __ from __'s Kids ... charity in Wales / and the other one, from, uh, __ __, who make my Work Experience / thing / both, sort of, corporate / Christmas / I don't think either of them've got my name on __ __ those kinds of Christmas cards / you know / get / from companies / from so an so ... "from A. A. Solicitors" ... that kind of / those / Christmas cards / that's it. That's it. I / not a single / find / nothing. / not / pine needle / we could go on / b__ / nothing / 'cause you said you've been ... uh ... / __'ve got / maintenance, right? / got / builders in? / Not a euphemism. / we've had / builders / for three weeks now. Uh ... so, we thought there's no point. We've had a rat / rat gate here. / Have you? / oh yeah yeah yeah / on radio / or not / rat / dead squirrel gate / discussed / great length last week on radio / dead / a few weeks ago / we've had / between the / puppy just ripped everything apart / we thought / bring in Christmas decorations / puppy / just don't mix

Have you done your, uh, Christmas shopping? / I have done ... uh ... most of my Christmas shopping. ... Yes. / done / gonna do it tomorrow. / Were you? / day / what I mean / Christmas-y day / ice-skating / All right. / although / that took / edge off / Sm__set House, big ice / central London / we thought / 6 P.M. ... getting dark, __ __ ... / book __ __ half past nine / it felt more like a dentist appointment / set your alarm, get up early / half past nine in the morning / you know / some woman / my hat off / celebrity, ladies and gentlemen / Are you who I think you are? / and I took my hat off / while you were skating / while I was skating / how slow a skater I am. / That's true, actually, yeah. / basically / it was essentially ... it was essentially just standing around / uncomfortable shoes for an hour / out of / near, um ... near the city, really, like / Tower Bridge / sort / this time of year. And, uh, it's hilarious because / get older / city / without generalizing, tend to be quite / very / very / game__ / certain type / certain type / let's say no more. / generalize / Let's say no more. / Yeah. Well, anyway, / nothing funnier / it's a great spec__ / thia year / for the last few years / you pop down there / about 5:30 P.M. / city workers coming out / markets are closing / city workders flowed out, people have a glass or two of wine / ice-skating / now you see / competitive place / suddenly / ice skate / have that same level of, uh ... / __ship, you see / of / blood bath / City traders ... in their suits / flapping like penguin__s. It's fantastic / we saw / Christmas-y day / I ... honestly, / half past nine / right / it's just not / 6:30 __ __ __ __ hot chocolate and ... you know / music / No, I didn't / I had a coffee / breakfast / I had a coffee. ... And then ... and then, ice-skating / not / half past 9 in the morning.

this / I don't believe this. ... "One in ten children / for you / All right. / for you / All right. / See if you can guess what one in ten children think about Brussels sprouts / No. One in ten children / ... think they're mini cabbages? / That's two guesses. / one in ten children / something / three guesses / they love them? / They love them? / this is __ ... this is your last guess. Play ... play along at home / whatever you're doing / one in ten children think something about Brussels spouts / what is that something? / home / everyone, play along / you won't get it / they / sort of ... / one / Brussels sprouts are not real / Not real? / Wh ... what? / What? / like, some sort of EU initiative / EU の政策名か何かだと思ってるのかな / Who has got time / wakes up in the morning / do today / I am gonna find / I / be ice-skating / in the morning / whole day ahead of me / I know what I'm gonnda do. I'm gonna find / are real / have / grow, though / you've seen / with your own eyes / I'm definitely ... / I'm convinced / saucepan / plate / but have you seen them grow? / a big poster / Brussels sprout / cat / scratching / yeah / sprouts / caught some kind / disease called sprouts / そういう名前の病気にかかったみたいな / that's what it is, kids / hey, kids, they are real / such a surreal manner / ... Isn't it ... isn't it amazing / kids / meanwhile / I mean ... don't do it, Tom / Tom / very careful / this time of year / Kids, everything is real. / Yeah. / Everything ... except for carrots, / Yeah. / They're made up. / 驚いたな。子供たちは芽キャベツの存在を信じていないのか。そのわりには、サン ... / おっと、トム、この時期に子供たちの夢をこわすようなことを言うなよ。いいか、すべて存在するんだ。... ただしニンジンはフィクションだ。

If you enjoyed that, why not listen to the whole show? Rhod Gilbert / Saturday mornings, BBC Radio Wales, 11 till 1.

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